I have spent the time since camp ended thinking about a lot of things. This was a great summer and it got me thinking about all the summers I have spent at camp, but not just this camp, so many other camps. I can name almost every camp I have gone to. There is a YMCA camp that I don’t remember the name of to be honest as well as a JCC one back in New Jersey, but they were from when I was really little.
It’s been at least 14 straight summers working at or being a camper at a camp and I am sad to see another summer end. I am left questioning what I will be doing next summer and it worries me a little bit. It reminds me how much I should value the next couple years, as I may not have another chance to do some of the things I have time to do now. Today my dad told me something interesting that I’d like to share. He said,”When I was young I was free to do anything, but had no money to do anything, now I have the money to do those things, but no time.” It makes me wonder about the whole construct of capitalism. I was thinking about my future and whether or not I could survive on whatever the equivalent of $50,000 a year is in the future or if I need to keep on trucking.
I am in the mood to question though and I am questioning every move. I have been listening to the Rent Soundtrack and watched the movie on my computer and I thought about how short life is and the promises I made myself only a year or two ago. I promised myself that I’d live my life to the fullest and not wait an instance and today I am wondering if I have really done it. People talk about judgement day with g-d, but I think my judgement of myself is far more harsh than anything g-d could through at me. Sure I work hard and enjoy myself, but I still wonder every day what I could to more, how can I better myself, and how in the end is everything I do going to make the world a better place?
Today at dinner as sometimes happens, my mom suggested a really specific career. She was talking about how she thought if I could get into some type of law where my job would be to be a children’s advocate I might enjoy my work. I love my mother, but giving me specific direction like that is not too helpful during my sophomore year. It leaves me even more confused than before.
Do I want to go to law school? Do I want to go to business school? Do I want to go to grad school at all? Do I want to go into politics? Will I marry? Will I have children? Will they be Jewish? Will they go to camp like me? It all comes back to the Circle of Life like in the Lion King and it makes me wish that the hokie pokie was what it’s all about.